Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Surviving the Italian Train System

Train travel is a love hate relationship. I have been able to travel around Europe, jumping on a train in one country and in just a few hours getting off in another. But with train travel comes train trouble. Here is a guide to survive the notorious Italian train system.

First, just to give some background, there are three types of trains in Italy. There is the Eurostar, the nicest but also the most expensive. Every seat is plush and comfortable, some even with a little leg room. They make fewer stops, have a dinner car (well most of the time), and travel to the larger tourist and commercial destinations. Next there are regional trains. As the name suggests they travel regionally, stopping at every po-dunk little city and run down train station between Roma and Timbuktu. However they are fairly inexpensive – maybe a euro or two, but you definitely get what you pay for. In general they smell like a backed-up toilet, the seats are spotted with dirt and you can see the make-up and dead skin stuck to the head rest. To add a dash of excitement don’t be surprised if you are bumped and jostled or shoved and sat on or who knows the train may just screech to a halt or crawl painfully slow to your final destination. Finally there are InnerCity trains (IC), the love child of a Eurostar and a regional train. It has fewer stops than a regional, is not as expensive as a Eurostar, and as long as the train’s toilet hasn’t exploded then it might not smell too bad.

As for seating arrangements there is a wide variety. You can sit in a single seat. These sound great because you are near the door and don’t have to sit next to a stranger, but don’t get too excited. Next to the door, where there will ultimately be a cold breeze, is also the toilet and remember what I said about the smell and in general someone will also be lazy and not want to drag their bags to the middle of the train cabin instead opting to stack them in the large empty space next to the single seat near the door.

Then there is the four seat arrangement where two sets of seats face each other with a small table in the middle. This is ideal if you are traveling with a group. You are able to sit and chat with each other, maybe even play some cards. But that table, which is great for books and food, is also a royal pain in moving around and facing each other – just imagine where your feet have to go – right into the other person’s leg room, so I hope all your friends are very short. As for the regular two seaters, they really aren’t that bad when it comes down to it, unless you are claustrophobic and then maybe you should just not be on a train. Lastly with seats, in my opinion, always…always get the window seat if you have the option. With the window your head can bypass the weird discolored head rest that makes it impossible to sleep and instead lean against the window. Just don’t think about that oily streak across the window from the previous train sleeper or the drool stain on the arm rest – it is totally sanitary. And of course this situation is ideal because it discourages the frequent stops to that horrible bathroom because you don’t want to have to disturbed the spiky haired, pierced Emo kid dressed entirely in purple who is perilously sleeping upright in the seat next to you.

Oh the bathrooms…what a great place on a train. As a rule of thumb with train travel, if you haven’t guessed already, pay the 30 euro cents at the train station before you get on. It might only be a hole in the ground at the train station, but at least you don’t have to touch the toilet there and the toilet sits still. But if you don’t listen to my strongly, strongly encouraged advice, here is a little bit about what to expect.

Dirty…smelly…umm did I say smelly. I do believe I have seen it all in train bathrooms because sadly I am just that cheap. There will be toilet paper on the floor and most likely graffiti on the wall. Also for the ladies, if a man just came out of the bathroom you might turn and find another restroom, especially if you just traveled around a corner. One thing to the good side though for the train bathrooms there is usually water for your hands, but don’t count on soap or a towel so make sure you have your handy hand sanitizer. As for toilet paper that is usually a big, fat, NO because it is all over the floor and you just don’t want to use that. Yet if it comes down to it and you just have to go, don’t squat or you will find out how the floor got so dirty and Oh - make sure the train is moving. Trains are probably the most UN-environmentally friendly sources of transportation because when the toilets flush if you watch it go down, you will see the speedy ground below open up – and well of course, remember that next time you decide it would be exciting to walk on the train tracks!